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So I’m packing for Burning Man right now because I’m going down through California for a week first and oh. my. goodness. I have so much crap it’s not even funny. Packing it all in and keeping track of it for two weeks is kind of going to be a feat of unparalleled strength of spirit. God am I a pack rat. I’m rolling along a path of righteousness and rock and roll, stuffing things into my trunk, getting distracted and cleaning out my tree straw with a pipe cleaner (works! I is genius!), washing dishes, getting distracted and cutting four inches off the bottom of my loin cloth because in a pathetic tangible display of just how tall I really think I am I made it long enough to trail three inches on the ground before and after me (yes, loin cloth. Shut up), making a list and checking it twice and then completely rewriting it and lather rinse repeat, getting distracted and writing a blog, getting distracted and smoking a bowl, sweet Jesus. It’s like a joke about ADD over here.

List of the raddest shit ever:

Cup shaped like a rocket with a green tree straw. That’s Irony.

Amazing flashlight with red and orange blinky lights and a MOTHERFUCKING SIREN. Oh, yeah.

Hand sewn moon boots. I couldn’t feel my thumbs for all the needle pricks for a solid five days.

Trunks. Big old ratty steamer trunks. One has a chess board on top. Rock.

Sunshine Bear, who is going to burning man for the first time in a mad leopard print dress, as she should be.

Rickety old red camp chair with a built in cooler under the seat. 

Did I already say moon boots?

Ok. I have to go start another project and get distracted again. Methinks…sleeping bag wrangling with a side of cigarette.

Miss you already!

yup.

August 14, 2009

my hair did fall out

So I have been admittedly greedy with the hair color this summer, and I have just finished another bleach job (I was going orange! For Burning Man! It was a noble cause!) and I think it may be the last, for this batch of hair anyway. I knew when the bleach had been on for five minutes that I had seen this kind of hair before, and this kind of hair is known as All Dead. When it’s only Mostly Dead, you can condition the shit out of it and never comb it and never towel your head more vigorously than pat, pat, pat and it will stay (like love when you tell it it can have half your cheesecake). But with All Dead, well, there’s only one thing you can do: go through its pockets and shave it the hell off. 

So…while I have a decent half inch or so of root that is totally hanging on, which, yay, actual hair this time around, the other five inches or so may be getting the axe as early as this evening. I have to wait around till it dries, and too bleached hair takes for. ev. er. to dry, and then see if I can pull it out by the handful. At which point this lovely scrappiness may be lost and gone forever:

hair that might fall out

If your child is kidnapped, you can still claim it as a dependent on your tax forms.

Someone thought of that. And then made a law about it.

Furthermore,

 

counter at bertie lou's

Counter at Bertie Lou’s.

luna in foam tunnel

(Un) Quantum Foam Tunnel Explorer.

powerful ford and hobo yogurt

Still Priceless. (Full circle to kidnapping, I love it).

happiness

August 13, 2009

raindrops on leaf

is a warm rain.

The zoo is a very bittersweet place, it makes me just as sad as happy, but it was amazing to be able to see so many incredible animals. I long distance mind melded with many animals (I swear! That fish knew ezactly what I was talking about!) and ironically ate a lot of goldfish and gummy bears. We also took many pictures. 

zoo-trip-8-8-09-002 me on bus

On the shuttle bus!

zoo-trip-8-8-09-003 holly on bus

Also on the shuttle bus!

zoo-trip-8-8-09-005 bald eagles

Beautiful bald eagles; very majestic and very sad to me. They have some lovely trees and no room to soar.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-006 me in eagle's nest

This is me being a bald eagle chick.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-007 holly as fish

Holly as a mosaic fish.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-010 sweater monkey

This is Sweater Guy. He has a sweater, and he is very stoked about it. You should maybe clap for his sweater.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-012 me and monkey grass

Me and some monkey grass.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-016 bats

Bat!

zoo-trip-8-8-09-024 lizard

You maybe cannot tell but I had to put my had waaaay over the wall to get this; Mr. Lizard seemed pretty cool with it though, he even turned several times to give me his best angles. 

zoo-trip-8-8-09-025 crocodile

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

zoo-trip-8-8-09-026 holly and croc

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

zoo-trip-8-8-09-027 me and croc

DITTO

zoo-trip-8-8-09-029 frogs

Amazing flame colored frogs.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-031 birds

Lego colored very friendly birds.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-033 holly and bird

We fed them little cups of nectar,

zoo-trip-8-8-09-034 me and bird

and they sat on our hands with their skritchy little feet and were fiercely loved.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-038 me and kelp

This was supposed to be a picture of me and a sea lion, but he moved so DAMN FAST that it turned into a picture of me and kelp. Mm, kelp.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-046 sea lion

Sea lion, swimming DAMN FAST and upside down.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-048 holly and sea lion

Holly and the wake of the DAMN FAST sea lion.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-052 penguins

Penguins!

zoo-trip-8-8-09-054 me and penguins

Ah, penguin love.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-055 holly and penguins

Ah, penguin crazies.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-057 me and penguin statue

I haz a luv.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-058 holly and penguin statue

Hey I think I see a fish over there you guys hey you guys do you see a fish?

zoo-trip-8-8-09-059 holly's wingspan

Impressive wingspan;

zoo-trip-8-8-09-060 my wingspan

but you are not a jedi yet.

zoo-trip-8-8-09-061 holly and I are bears

RAWR! 

I am a Sun Bear and Holly is a Grizzly Bear.

Yesterday I was a fortune teller, a seer of things not yet come, a diviner of secrets and dreams, a gorgeously beskirted and bangled splash of exaggeration. While I naturally believe that I can tell anyone ever what’s up based on their placement in the grand zodiac and my level of sundry intoxication, I have to admit that when I had my little mat all spread on the library steps and my tarot cards all nicely laid out or stacked, I realized that the only cards I knew diddly squat about were The Fool, because I’d drawn him twice in two separate readings, and The High Priestess, because ditto. (And actually all I really remember about those cards was that I was pleased with the High P and at first offended by the fool, until I was assured that the fool was really a card of whimsy and unorthodoxy). So I sat there on the library steps with my inexplicable pack of tarot cards and waited for Graham’s treasure hunters to find me. While I waited I ate a lot of blueberries out of my very rad bag, which Holly says is a yarn bag but which I persist in thinking of as a carpet bag, despite the fact that not one small bit of it is made of anything resembling carpet. I was slightly nervous about the three security guards that walked around and around the front of the library, but they all three just looked at me and smiled sympathetically and left me alone. Maybe they could smell the falsehood that my appearances were supposed to be keeping up. 

I talked to many people and I made a dollar. A lady and her little girl came out of the library and I was immediately stared at unblinkingly over the head of a massive pink teddy bear. They came over, and the lady said, ‘look honey, that’s a gypsy.’ I smiled, I believe beguilingly. They came closer. ‘So now you know what I’m talking about when I say I’m going to sell you to the gypsies,’ the lady continued to her daughter. I was slightly taken aback…do people still make this particular threat to their children? And…am I wrong in feeling that I should be slightly insulted? What does that make me, the boogeyman? So I pondered these things, and the little girl continued to stare unblinkingly at me over her giant teddy bear, and then I whispered to her, ‘it wouldn’t be that bad, would it?’ The teddy bear lowered itself a couple inches. For some reason the lady then decided to give me a dollar, no tarot cards necessary; maybe she had some inkling of the possibly offensive nature of her statement and wanted to ward off possible spell casting; to which I can only say, a dollar? Hm. 

Also a very nice, distinguished older gentleman with white hair and a cordouroy jacket came up to me and whispered, ‘do you know where I can get some weed? Ask a gypsy, you know…’ I was delighted. This was more like. I regretfuly informed him that I could not, told him where I thought he might be able to find some, and heard about how he was a teacher from England on holiday. He sounded it. A few minutes later he came out of the library with a dread locked guy with a faith inspiringly large backpack on and winked at me. I winked back. About ten minutes later he walked by again, gave me the thumbs up, and hissed, ‘SUCCESS!’ There was joy.

Then the treasure hunters came and I blarneyed them magnificently if I say so myself. We all went off on our merry little ways, and my hopes for all of us are these: that I will wear bangly bracelets more often, they are damn magical; that the treasure hunters are having great success and lots of fun; that the mother of the little girl with the ginormous teddy bear who is threatened by life with gypsies will now have to think of new threats, hopefully something this century like ‘sell you for spare parts to the Cylons; and that the English gentleman is having a bloody brilliant holiday.

Some pictures:

burst balloon

Burst balloon.

hydrangea

My second favorite flower, which I have just discovered is called a Hydrangea. I had to ask a lot of people before I figured it out, because Google is stupid and has not yet developed a ‘put the picture in the computer and find out what this thing is’ option.

ice cream sidewalk

Optimistically mislabled. 

secret white leaves

Secret white leaves hiding under green ones.

orion

Beautiful.