it’s all a sham, I said

August 8, 2009

Yesterday I was a fortune teller, a seer of things not yet come, a diviner of secrets and dreams, a gorgeously beskirted and bangled splash of exaggeration. While I naturally believe that I can tell anyone ever what’s up based on their placement in the grand zodiac and my level of sundry intoxication, I have to admit that when I had my little mat all spread on the library steps and my tarot cards all nicely laid out or stacked, I realized that the only cards I knew diddly squat about were The Fool, because I’d drawn him twice in two separate readings, and The High Priestess, because ditto. (And actually all I really remember about those cards was that I was pleased with the High P and at first offended by the fool, until I was assured that the fool was really a card of whimsy and unorthodoxy). So I sat there on the library steps with my inexplicable pack of tarot cards and waited for Graham’s treasure hunters to find me. While I waited I ate a lot of blueberries out of my very rad bag, which Holly says is a yarn bag but which I persist in thinking of as a carpet bag, despite the fact that not one small bit of it is made of anything resembling carpet. I was slightly nervous about the three security guards that walked around and around the front of the library, but they all three just looked at me and smiled sympathetically and left me alone. Maybe they could smell the falsehood that my appearances were supposed to be keeping up. 

I talked to many people and I made a dollar. A lady and her little girl came out of the library and I was immediately stared at unblinkingly over the head of a massive pink teddy bear. They came over, and the lady said, ‘look honey, that’s a gypsy.’ I smiled, I believe beguilingly. They came closer. ‘So now you know what I’m talking about when I say I’m going to sell you to the gypsies,’ the lady continued to her daughter. I was slightly taken aback…do people still make this particular threat to their children? And…am I wrong in feeling that I should be slightly insulted? What does that make me, the boogeyman? So I pondered these things, and the little girl continued to stare unblinkingly at me over her giant teddy bear, and then I whispered to her, ‘it wouldn’t be that bad, would it?’ The teddy bear lowered itself a couple inches. For some reason the lady then decided to give me a dollar, no tarot cards necessary; maybe she had some inkling of the possibly offensive nature of her statement and wanted to ward off possible spell casting; to which I can only say, a dollar? Hm. 

Also a very nice, distinguished older gentleman with white hair and a cordouroy jacket came up to me and whispered, ‘do you know where I can get some weed? Ask a gypsy, you know…’ I was delighted. This was more like. I regretfuly informed him that I could not, told him where I thought he might be able to find some, and heard about how he was a teacher from England on holiday. He sounded it. A few minutes later he came out of the library with a dread locked guy with a faith inspiringly large backpack on and winked at me. I winked back. About ten minutes later he walked by again, gave me the thumbs up, and hissed, ‘SUCCESS!’ There was joy.

Then the treasure hunters came and I blarneyed them magnificently if I say so myself. We all went off on our merry little ways, and my hopes for all of us are these: that I will wear bangly bracelets more often, they are damn magical; that the treasure hunters are having great success and lots of fun; that the mother of the little girl with the ginormous teddy bear who is threatened by life with gypsies will now have to think of new threats, hopefully something this century like ‘sell you for spare parts to the Cylons; and that the English gentleman is having a bloody brilliant holiday.

Some pictures:

burst balloon

Burst balloon.


My second favorite flower, which I have just discovered is called a Hydrangea. I had to ask a lot of people before I figured it out, because Google is stupid and has not yet developed a ‘put the picture in the computer and find out what this thing is’ option.

ice cream sidewalk

Optimistically mislabled. 

secret white leaves

Secret white leaves hiding under green ones.




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