off with excalibur

February 22, 2011

So I walked into the office yesterday and the two staunch hearted were there and we gabbled about work things for a second and then I gave them my cookies and I said

hey I’m quitting

and one of them looked at me and went



I’m quitting too, I’m putting in my two week’s today.

That doesn’t change my mind AT ALL, I said,

me neither, she said,

and it was a bad day for my poor boss.

So I let her quit first, because I was busy pulling every wire in the office out of its tangled rat’s nest for the second time in a probably futile attempt to make both computers print from the same printer. (the software download only gets to a certain place in the process and then it asks you to click a button, takes you to a screen where you click another button, and then you are redirected to the original button, lather rinse repeat foam at mouth fling self on floor and wail).

So my boss comes to find me and says, same thing? And I say yes, and we go to talk about it. And she tells me that most people give her a month’s notice when they quit, and this is not acceptable, and really do I have any idea what this is going to do to her? And I am all like Well Actually were it not for the staunch hearted I would be finishing up this convo right now, leaving the building, and never returning. And some of the rudest behavior I have ever experienced has gone down here, so I think I am being pretty nice after all.

And it went on like that for a minute, but I am too tired of the conversation to write it all down. Mostly I quit and she told me to say I was ‘leaving instead of quitting’ and limped around like a wounded antelope for the rest of the day while other deserter and I put up a craigslist ads for our replacements and was all WHAT ABOUT ME for the entire process. It was actually kind of a relief, as I had been unsure what to expect from her by way of a reaction and having everything be all about her is something I’m already used to. I was not mean at all which I guess some people will think is pansy of me, but really it wasn’t for any reason other than it wouldn’t have actually brought me any joy. She’s a sad person to me, and I don’t think she can actually learn how to treat others as well as she expects to be treated, and so I would have been wasting any time spent trying to teach her a lesson anyhow. I was just gentle and firm and so so so ready to be done with it; one time she pissed me off by saying that she sticks up for me when people say nasty things about me leaving so much behind my back,

and I was straight up NO

you know what? When you hired me you said and I QUOTE (so I quoted) ‘I know I’m not paying you a living wage (and you’re not, I said) and I know you don’t have any benefits (and I don’t, I said) but the nice thing about this job is that you can travel. You can work from home a lot.

And that’s why I took the job, I told her. Travel and work from home are the things you presented to me as the perks of the job when I was hired, and they’re what you’ve been bitching at me for taking advantage of. So there’s that.

And she had nothing to say, because I was right. And oh god y’all, so nice to actually have said that. So nice to have stood up for myself during the entire encounter, because she was damn determined that I was the bad guy and I was so not having that. John Wayne says you’re a liar, ma’am.

Anyhow. So that was the only time I was mean, and I was really only honest. Today is my official last day for the next week, wherein I will tell everyone that I am ‘leaving.’ Then I am off to a magical board meeting in the sky; there is a swimming pool and a jacuzzi. I am pretty pleased. I am also pretty pleased that other staunch hearted is quitting, and that the only remaining looked at the two of us quitters, laughed like a baby lion, and said oh god you guys I was JUST thinking this morning about whether or not I could afford to quit…

the worm turneth, yo. I am


One Response to “off with excalibur”

  1. Kurt Sussman Says:

    Congrats! Now you’re free, and it sounds like you didn’t take any new baggage home with you. What could be better?


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