so dislocated from my real born hero

February 23, 2012

Just in case anyone has been sitting wispily alone with their chins on their tender ten fingered fists, thinking carefully to themselves how lovely it would be to live as close to me as possible so as to enjoy the beautifully curled peels of my personality shed and roll with laughter at the butter thieving tactics of my bad cat, I must warn you: there exists a boot to the face backward persuasion.

I realize that when one is paying the ostensibly low price of six twenty five a month for one’s own personal batshit cave, one cannot exactly expect revolving hideaway stairwells and prompt silver tea tray service. However, when one has placed multiple phone calls to the mismanagement beginning on the now distant date of February 2nd, one should hopefully expect by February 23rd that the dishwasher might be fixed at some point within the near future. However as I have just now been informed by what is certainly the nonWonka world’s most impressively dedicated chewing gum aficionado, there is only one dishwasher guy and he’s only had my service call since FEBRUARY FUCKING FOURTEENTH, so really I must be patient because after all it may be inconvenient to live with three inches of foul standing water in the bottom of your dishwasher because you didn’t realize that the fucker didn’t drain until of course after you had run a load, but you know Miss it is not exactly an emergency situation and there are apparently bathtubs to drain or what have you.

Oh, I’m sorry, heavy laden dishwasher dude; I apologize, fog soup cerebellumed nutcracker harpy. I guess I will just go fling myself breastplate first onto some danger edge of my open dishwasher and die like that dude’s mom in Garden State. Then it will be an emergency. Although I bet you will not even get around to cleaning up the blood until at best the middle of April.

I am


One Response to “so dislocated from my real born hero”

  1. chin on ten fingers Says:

    actually you might be onto something about making it an emergency.

    tell them a burning smell is coming from the dishwasher. a short-circuit with a potential for an electrical fire would make them come running like kenyans.


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