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the golden god they made

May 22, 2012

Pissed at religion. I had a long lovely tirade all boiling my brain blood, but now I have walked for half an hour in the rain and realized that really, I am just pissed about what other people believe. It’s impossible some days, this goddamn life we have to share. Some days all the precisely stacked blocks of freedom for everyone and pursuit of happiness glue just disappear beneath the trembling shadow of the cosmic rage tsunami, and it is well that I do not have super powers. Today I could punch face until the last bit of knuckle had fragmented away.

It’s good to feel this way sometimes, to really remember what it is that defines the good, the bad and the ugly within yourself. I’m so used to being continually bombarded with shit far and wide that is just the worst damn news, the cruelest people, the stupidest behaviors. Most days I can sign a couple of petitions, maybe write a letter, call a senator; most days I can chain drink coffee and feel that I have done something to make the world a better place and that things must be improving all the time. Some days it’s turtles all the way down. And then some days it’s just like one thing will hit you out of nowhere, or maybe it’s two, or fuck it all it’s probably every heart shredding spirit crushing one of them, and the response is a momentary droop of despondency followed by the slow roil of the aforementioned tsunami, blind red with anger and lusting like love never raised for the impact of vengeance. Some days it’s the shit side of shineola.

I am

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