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this silk road

September 21, 2012

I can’t remember the last time I woke up in the pale light of a gray morning blended with the stale yellow light of an all night lamp. There’s something so gently shameful about it, something that rebukes an inability to spartan out the crawling shadow night.

I’ve been feeling suddenly for several days as though I’ve arrived at another stage of life. All of the things that have happened to me, the experiences that have gone behind, are suddenly arranging themselves exactly where they should be in my chronicle and fading into the background of me, they’re diminishing and going into the west, remaining galadriel. Their significance has patterned into the foundation on which I stand as myself, and for the first time there is enough of it and it has every piece of it a place and every piece has come into its own. Now I have something to kickstart off of, build upon. Now I can fly, and castle.
I have never felt so happy to be myself. A spark of genuine liquid life hit me from the center all the way out the other night while I was telling a friend that he can’t just wait to see what someone else wants, it’s ok to make the decision himself based on what he wants. All of a sudden I was just like, my goodness, I am full of alka seltzer fizz and damn if that doesn’t apply directly to my fabulous self as well!
I feel like the tallest and strongest and lithest of warriors.
I feel like my feet are finally on solid ground and that all of my arrows will land if not dead center then at least somewhere fascinating and generally nearby. I don’t have any more arrows marked for the realms of fuckit or good enough. I know where I’m going and I know what I want and I’m getting better and better at making it happen. There is so much in life I want to do, want passionately and decidedly. I do not have enough time to be doing things I don’t want to do, that are of questionable benefit and significance anyhow.
Onward.

 I am
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