just her window ledge

December 12, 2012

I am feeling magnificent today. I just woke up so thrilled at my life; the morning is beautiful and I feel beautiful and I feel humbled by my existence for the first time in a while. I’ve been tasting it and remembering it and reveling in it and fitting my fingers into the grooves of its complexities, but I haven’t really been so tranquilly hushed in a long while. I am alive and that is amazing.

I feel so much more of who I am supposed to be. My life has receded a bit into the multibraided rainbow tightrope it’s supposed to be, it’s got down out of my face and is now dancing under my feet and through my lungs like it ought to. I can breathe again, and be still like a mountain under its filigree of moss and walnut shells. Apparently I am a mountain that has a lot of walnut trees. That actually totally works for me.

It’s also hard not knowing what comes next. Besides math.

I feel such a need for expansion of horizon, movement. I love who I have become and who I am, but I’m not done being more things. And I know I’m acquiring more things all the time and I have set myself up to being doing that more or less indefinitely, and so I should just chill out; but ‘as the pattern grows more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough.’ I feel like my bones are clamoring for me to stand up and fly at the glistening tip of my little world, and like I’m doing it blind as black and fast as crazy. Which…obviously. I guess I am just bitching about a lack of cosmic roadmap once again, you would think I’d get over that but no it turns up like gum stuck under a bar every several months or so. As ever I crave an automatic change and something new and ess curve compatible, and a bunch of boxes to pack all my things into and take them out of again in the frame of a brand new empty slate.

What I need though is to keep on pushing those roots I’ve been so determined to curl down, keep the moss and walnuts in the light and shadow where they are right now, and run like the wind with another part of myself. I want to go far away, and rollerskate. And chill out in the raucous, gentle awesomeness of the space I inhabit; and have sun chips. Again.

I am


Oh yeah?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: