of a thousand laces

May 13, 2014

Ha! This is what happens when you give the masses a choice. Let them eat cupcakes, I say!


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I am having a hard day.

I burnt the shit out of the entire right side of the roof of my mouth, ostensibly when I bit into my glorious well charred piping hot burger whilst a touch inebriated. I am not a patient eater when under the influence of a hair or so of libation. Or ever, I guess.

This would suck for anyone in any circumstances, I am sure of it. However it sucks more than the usual amount for me, because amongst my many many issues involving food and the eating of it, I have this thing where I cannot just chew on one side of my mouth. I mean, I can chew one bite on one side of my mouth at a time, but if I try to chew all the bites one at a time on one side of my mouth, my head explodes. Well not literally, but it is very uncomfotable for me, like having your eyelids stick to themselves because the adheisve from the eye stickies at the tanning salon turned into goop that won’t let go even after soap. Like having a tiny hair stuck on your tongue that you just can’t remove. Like the sight of a slither through tall grass. It is not a happy time for my brain when I can’t switch sides with every other bite.

But, it is not a happy time for the right side of my mouth today either, and, two meals in, the decision between which sort of uncomfortable I want to be is really pressing itself.

While eating the remaining half of aforementioned traitorous burger (stone cold from the fridge, never let it be said that I don’t learn lessons when they’re extremely obvious and terribly tragic) I finally caved and stopped trying to chew on the right side of my mouth. I feel very strange. Like Major Tom in his tin can. My mouth had better heal fast, or I will be forced to go on a liquid diet. Not the kind that leads to a whisper of intoxication and impetuous mastication of god damn brimstone burgers.

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9-29 back street

May 8, 2014

You know, I am pretty sure that if I was going to make a word up it would not be nonplus. That is a dumb sounding word to make up. Perambulate, now that is a word that sounds made up and is used far more frequently than it should be, compared to nonplus. Most persons I know do not take time out to perambulate very often. Of course, this is a pity. However nonplussage of all sorts attends the human experience as conscientiously and persistently as a new mother tends her young, and yes; nonplussage I did make up.

So there, dude in my business communication class. Nonplus, nonplussed, nonplussing.


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one hand clapping

May 7, 2014

So this is how I almost mailed out my mothers day cards:



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