July 13, 2015

Perhaps because of an early indoctrination with the concept of karma, be it swift or dilatory, despite my utter lack of even a cavity in all the years of my life, I have a morbid dread of losing teeth.

Every time I hit myself in the tooth with the rim of a glass it is always the same tooth and I cringe in appalled consternation, imagining the eventual crack and crumble when I inevitably hit it one time too many, for the last time. Whenever I eat sugar or drink soda, I have to swish my mouth with water afterward (regardless of whether or not this actually accomplishes anything whatsoever). And most nights I lie awake for several moments in an agony of guilt over the fact that I have not flossed that day and I am not going to floss that day either, because it would suck to get out of bed and do it.

The self awareness required to do a kind of good job with my teeth has the sleeper side effect of also making me painfully aware of the bad job I am doing, and because doing bad will always get you in the end (everyone raised in a moral based world of fact and fiction knows this), I am certain that one day I’ll wake up and it will all catch up with me and all of my teeth will rot and tumble out of my head all at once, and I will eat a tragic amount of applesauce and soup and and muse on the error of my ways for the rest of my life. And never get to have caramel apples.

Fortunately the bright light of progress shines the way to the future once more, and it is hopefully a far better future (mouth-wise, anyhow) than any of our ancestors have enjoyed. New teeth! New teeth for all who are weary and heavy burdened with serious dental issues!



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