whisker lickin good

September 22, 2016

I was talking with a friend last night about her cat, and how it has a birthday party every year on its adoption date.

And I thought,

Goddammit why didn’t I think of that?

All the hours I have despaired over never knowing Lucky’s true age or star sign** (although apparently the latter is as open for debate as the former due to recent hubbub, regardless of the zodiac placement I assigned her carefully and after much deliberation over the ins-and-outs of her personality and habits)! All the time I could have saved by just calling her adoption date her birthday! As I think of it now though, I doubt it would have saved me any grief of mind. She just doesn’t strike me as a Gemini, and that construct would have given her the same sign as Luna. Not possible.

Also I thought,

Why don’t more pets have birthday parties?

There are several subthoughts behind this, as usual; for cohesion, today in a rare break from my general rambleblah form, I am saying it with bullets.

  • Pets deserve birthday parties. They put up with our shit all the time, which I consider is more than generous in trade for our habit of cleaning up their shit. They are safe little outlets for all our little madnesses. They respond to our baby talk. They allow themselves to be snuggled whenever we suddenly feel it necessary. They listen to us speak Spanish to them all the time and only ever meow back encouragingly. They sometimes even wear outfits. Pets deserve birthday parties.
  • People who have pets deserve friends that will come to their pet’s birthday party and bring a little gift, maybe a little tuna. It’s expensive taking care of a pet for their whole lives, and still somehow not seen as a respectable pastime. Having expensive kids is respectable, or having working animals that bring in the money is respectable, but having an animal that toileth not neither doth it spin and treating it to basic human rights and the occasional extra chew toy lacks that respectability, because it’s a luxury. You chose to have a pet animal, so you can’t whinge about the sacrifices it requires without people thinking you’re a crazy cat lady; but you also can’t throw it a birthday party without people thinking you’re a crazy cat lady. There’s no tribalism behind owning a pet. It does not take a village. I think it would be more fun if there was more of a village. A pet village.
  • Because people who have pets and take good care of them are doing a great thing for our world. They are taking their biological imperative to reproduce and care for offspring, and extending that beyond their own family mathematics. I think loving a pet is a gateway drug to loving unfamiliar others. It teaches you how to look for the spirit and the communicativeness in every creature, and to try to learn to respond in kind. If you’ve ever contemplated what a cat is thinking, you can contemplate what a person who votes in diametric opposition to you is thinking. If you’ve learned to communicate within your pet’s personality and routines, you can learn to communicate with some drunk asshole who’s kicking over your garbage cans.
  • And this is a great thing. This combination of taking in creatures who need someone, and creating that bond to them; and of learning to comprehend them and communicate effectively with them.* It takes a lot of patience and effort, something every single one of us could use more of every day of our lives. And in return it gives sweetness – something else that every single one of us could use more of every day of our lives.
  • Therefore, pets should have birthday parties. You should bring a gift. You should also invite me over to hang with you and your pet, because your pet should have a village. I will bring cheezits because my cat and I like those a lot.
  • Pardon the unorthodox use of bullets. Apparently I am less capable of truly straying from a rambling cascade style of communication than I thought I was.
    • **I guess maybe not hours. But definitely several dozens of minutes.
    • *minus ‘don’t scratch the couch.’ I have never yet apparently learned to adequately convey the meaning of ‘don’t scratch the couch.’
    • More parties, more chips and cake.
    • Petvillage.com is already taken.


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