where I marry the sea

March 16, 2017

Last night I made a whale.

It is not the most beautiful whale, it looks a little raggedy and a bit untrustworthy, these factors directly leading to my naming it Ill Mitch, but it is my own whale and I love it. Actually it is Mia’s own whale, and hopefully she also loves it.


I was hoping to make it in only two episodes of Poirot, but first I sewed the flippers on the wrong side, and then I forgot to stitch the belly piece in, and then my god damn sewing machine decided to spit out the bobbin and both of the pieces that hold it in for like forty minutes; so it took me two and a half episodes of Poirot, and two glasses of beer, and a Milky Way.

Eventually Ill Mitch is going to have cute little embroidered eyes and then he will be much more adorable, but I finished him after extreme frustration at like 2AM last night and did not have the wherewithal to embroider. Also the episode of Poirot was annoying me.


Here is hoping that Ill Mitch lasts longer than Sharkie, who had his eyes ripped tragically out of his face, and Ducky, who lost basically all limbs within one day. Perhaps the lack of cutesy descriptive name will be the difference.

Fingers XING.


PS. Here is the pattern I used to make the whale. I am sharing it because the website I found it on was so full of ads I despaired of ever actually being able to download the PDF. ( Wallace the Whale )





March 15, 2017

Keep her busy in front of the mirror, and you’ll never have to worry about her anywhere else.

Begin her addiction young enough and long after natural beauty has faded she’ll worship at the altar of the bottle, the jar, the tweezer, the brush.

This is not the wand I choose. This is not the magic I claim.



and dolls go home

March 14, 2017

I would just like to say that when I was seventeen and listened to Astro Lounge by Smashmouth for the first time, I did not even know the word aqueduct.

I know this because when I revisit this album fourteen years later I remember that upon initial exposure to certain lyrics I pictured an overblown aqua duck.

I literally cannot stop laughing. That is all.

Here are some of the pictures we got of our lasagna for ninety extravaganza!

Because I do not have anyone else’s permission to use pictures of them they mostly feature the prep process and me and my terrible hair, (ye gods why did it take me so long to cut that off), but there were six of us altogether and we bombed through the whole prep and serve like a skiff of super seafarers who have seasoned their pull togethers with a month of Sundays.



zuke noodles






The whole experience was so excellent in fact, that I am planning on doing it on a regular basis. I will most likely crowd fund for some of the costs of ingredients, because my experience has been that everyone likes to pitch in a dollar or two to feed and clothe our homeless neighbors.

Let me know if you are interested in joining. You get a sweet apron and a world of thanks.

-photos by the inestimable Ciarra Godson














I am


I am not saying that I in any way should have undertaken the concocting of something more complicated than lasagna, but holy shit that experience was both better and easier than I possibly could have imagined to say nothing of how tragic I feared it could have been.

I showed up early to drop off the Pyrex tower and ingredients, and the people who helped me unload were the people who were going to be consuming the meal later. Based on their enthusiasm over the meal (what we havin? I LOVE LASAGNA) and the interest in what was for dessert, I went back to the store and bought extra cookies. Apparently one never grows out of jostling one’s fellows to be the person to carry the bag with the cookies in it.

My team and I walked down together later, and with far less instruction and ceremony than I had expected, were shown directly into the kitchen and told to holler if the oven wouldn’t work. It turned out later that it wouldn’t, but the alternative oven was way burlier and nicer anyhow.

Everything went off without a single hitch. Everyone worked beautifully together, and everything was finished exactly on time. Despite my initial conviction that we could never go through this amount of food it was gone in fifteen minutes. Everyone who received it was kind and grateful. They told us it was delicious, so I can only assume that none of the potential failures occurred in any of the dishes. And they gave us a round of applause as we left.

I have seldom done anything so wonderful in my entire life.

Kissez to the universe. On top of everything else you sent a glamorous golden smudgy moon.

And no one will ever question me again: yes we really do need that much extra cheese I do NOT care what the recipe says.