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‘I think it’s not that nice eating paper.’

‘I think that a small amount is fine.’

– My current favorite podcast

No such thing as a fish

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Momo is running like a crazy wild thing through the yard and in a corner she stepped on one end of a stick, which flew up like the proverbial rake in the grass and nearly smacked her in the nose. It would not have been funny if it had actually hit her, but since it missed and she just looked at it cross-eyes and bewildered for the moment it confronted her face to face, it was hilarious. Confusion of that sort translates seamlessly across species it appears.

we are men of action

May 3, 2018

Most frequently used dog commands: be cool; give mama some space; gently!

Sometimes I wonder if I was just meant to be a cat person, or if we really did just get incredibly rambunctious dogs.

Item: gently is in fact regularly pronounced exactly in the manner that shot it to fame in The Princess Bride

SQUEEEEeeee

It’s so close.

I would like to thank the academia, and my husband Jason who supported my jackrabbit decision to quit my job, go to school full time, live like a pauper, and be too obsessed with learning for a year and a half to be any fun whatsoever. Also my car Charlotte who always had an old OSU sticker on her back window which I am sure contributed sub-consciously to my university choice, after all any other Oregonian mad enough to own this car is surely a kindred spirit. And everyone I’ve been a crappier friend or relation to over the past 13 months because all I could think about was on a page or in a lab, believe me when I say I’ve spent the majority of my time in my house but my theme song has been I’ll Be Coming Home Next Year.

Alllllmost home!

PS. Apparently the allures of ‘regalia’ are lost on me.

it sucks as it cuts

April 7, 2018

Wayne’s World was on tv last night and now I can’t help calling the dogs ‘psycho hose beasts’ when they’re bad.

I bring you no thesis on the origins of your disrespect

I offer no evidence of its harms.

I refuse it because I choose to do so

I do not have to explain myself to you

But if you’re nice to me I would love to.

I am just sitting here, drinking my second coffee because I am not a morning person but the dogs both are, blearily thinking about not much, except that it is beginning to look like spring and I bet the grass on the side of the house that nobody spends any time in because a) there is nothing to do there and b) if you are a dog there are tasty cigarette butts to eat there that our neighbor graciously tosses over the fence (I know, I lie awake some nights thinking about the juxtaposition of those cigarette butts, and that grass) is growing like crazy and somebody ought to do something about it.

A thought welled gently into my mind: well but those kids already took care of it. And then my body buzzed with the shock it always feels when my mind has taken a dream literally and is disappointed with the allocation of goods and services between dream and reality.

Last night I dreamed that I was looking out the front window in my office, and two neighborhood kids rode up in their little power wheels ride on cars. They both had retro low rider corvettes, or the following story would not have been possible.

vette

They waved at me, drove their cars summarily onto my lawn, and began to cut cookies across it. Shavings of grass flew out behind them as they went, because of course you see, the bottoms of their cars were lawnmowers. (God knows where they kept their feet, hopefully there is an inside cabin to those corvettes. I would remember from childhood but [great bitterness] nobody I knew and I were ever rich enough to see one of them in real life, although I did run into a few of the jeeps while I was still under 40lb).

Having a glorious time of course, shredding 360 degrees in clouds of grass clipping, they cut the lawn into a beautiful pattern of circles. When all the grass was cut they waved and drove over to the next door neighbor’s yard, where I expect their grass dust will kick up no cigarette butts.

Now I am sitting here with my second cup of morning coffee, facing a world where none of this happened and furthermore is not going to. They say you’re supposed to be the change you want to see in the world, but sometimes that’s just not possible.